My ADHD Diagnosis
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There are many different articles, books, etc. about ADHD. I won’t go into the specifics of the diagnostic criteria, but I can tell you how an ADHD diagnosis changed my life.
My mother was an elementary school teacher, and constantly saw children diagnosed with ADHD for being disruptive, etc. She feared that ADHD was being over-diagnosed and didn’t want me to be labeled, so she didn't test me.
ADHD Diagnosis: A Learning Disorder
I wasn’t a bad kid.
- I was in the gifted program.
- I started accelerated classes in elementary school.
- I did the IB (International Baccalaureate Program) in middle and high school.
- I aced tests and was even in honor societies.
I couldn't have ADHD right?
Wrong.
Regardless of the awards and accolades, I spent many late nights wondering what I was doing wrong. I had teachers come to my parents confused about my grades. Teachers also came to me asking if I wanted to be dropped down to easier classes. My test scores and “gifted-ness” were telling me that I’m smart, while my teachers and report cards made me feel like an idiot. I was pulling all-nighters all the time, and still couldn’t handle the load my classmates were doing. I went to tutoring and had tutors outside of school. My amazing mother also sat with me many nights as I put together projects and called my friends, desperate for help.
It was rough.
Some people with ADHD can’t handle what I did, and some can handle more. That’s why ADHD is now recognized as a spectrum disorder.
I’m grateful that I passed and graduated (I almost didn’t).
ADHD Diagnosis: A Social Disorder
There has always been a part of me that wants to climb on top of tables, chairs, and more. I blurt random words, songs, and weird sounds in my head because I don’t want to get weird looks from the people around me.
When we are kids, we are conditioned to understand what is socially appropriate. I tend to want to do the opposite. For example, I remember sitting in a dark movie theater watching Frozen and laughing towards the end when we thought a certain someone was doomed! SPOILERS? I didn’t give a lot away and it’s been years, so, yeah.
Anyway, I’m not insane. My body just doesn’t know what to do with itself sometimes. When you’re looking into ADHD, make sure you look at emotional dysregulation as a symptom.
Not everyone can handle my randomness and lack of social know-how, and it’s difficult to make and retain friendships with all my quirks. However, I cherish everyone that sticks around.
ADHD Diagnosis & Embracing a Different Brain
I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder late 2018. I had a lot of repressed emotions and unresolved issues to process in therapy. After many raw and heart-wrenching conversations, I started healing. As I healed, I started letting go of the social constraints I had gained throughout my life. I allowed myself to be different.
After looking back on my life for a while with my therapist, we started talking about me getting tested for ADHD. I went back and forth about the idea for a while. The timing was horrible because we were in lock-down. A few months went by, and I found an office that was doing ADHD screenings virtually. They typically did it only in-person but made an exception for the pandemic. I did the screening, was diagnosed, and started medication.
It happened faster than I could process.
The processing came after starting Adderall. I had started a master’s program around that time, and I couldn’t comprehend what I was experiencing. I was registered with the school’s accommodations office and barely needed any of my approved accommodations. It was easier to pay attention and interact in class. I could actually study and retain the information in my readings.
It was foreign, and magical, and like the feeling I had when I put on a pair of glasses for the first time.
Conclusion
I was diagnosed with ADHD at 23 years old. That’s why I am so interested in adult ADHD. So much of the ADHD diagnostic criteria has been based on childhood ADHD. There is a lot about Adult ADHD that is yet to be discovered, and I’m excited to explore new research in this blog!
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